Stephen Harper Doll

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




How to Make a Stephen Harper Doll

Jan. 16, 2009
N.J. Lukanovich

There's barrels of fun and amusement in the practice of arts and crafts, and with a project like the Stephen Harper doll, the laughs can last as long as he resides, the devil himself, in the flaming hot bowels of Sussex Drive.

To begin: find a long stiff object to use as your base; I suggest a wooden spoon that knows how to lie like a rug. Once the doll is complete, it will double as a spanking tool for whichever party/politician is begging for it. Except the Green Party - Greenies are never spanked and only suffer interminable time-outs.

Second, ram the end of the wooden spoon through a butternut squash while screaming the epithet of your choice ("you f'cker" comes to mind). The yellowish tinge of this vegetable is a perfect fit for the PM who ran away from the House like a lily-livered coward, and the wooden spoon will finally give him the spine of his dreams.
read more






Multiple Wives

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




Polygamist Winston Blackmore Finally Charged

Jan. 9, 2009
N.J. Lukanovich

Winston Blackmore, rumored to have somewhere between 20 and 27 wives, was at long last arrested and charged with polygamy on January 7th. Long known as the "Bishop" of Bountiful, the FLDS Christian sect near Creston, British Columbia, Blackmore has being vocal in asserting that the members of Bountiful can do as they wish, based on the "freedom of conscience and religion" accorded in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Bountiful split into two factions in 2002, when Warren Jeffs took over the FLDS Church in Utah and expelled Blackmore, who responded by taking 400 of the followers to form an independent sect. Jim Oler, the leader of the official FLDS branch of Bountiful, has also been charged with polygamy.
read more






Santa Incarcerated

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




A Tale About Santa Claus

Dec. 18, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

Reuters UK

Santa's Incarceration
Thursday Dec 18, 2008 7:45 GMT

Santa Claus was thrown into a London jail yesterday for drunken disorderly conduct and lewd and lascivious behavior. Police Constable Hedunnit of the Scotland Yard stated Santa lost control in the Toy Kingdom section at Harrods Department Store, staggering into a pyramid of Beefeater teddy bears while allegedly screaming "I love you Satan." One witness, Mrs. I'mallthat, claims he then opened his fly, but other witnesses dismissed this allegation and stated he didn't actually open his fly but instead grabbed his crotch as part of a lame attempt at hip hop dancing.

Protests were rapidly organized and held today in several European and North American cities, with the hopes of liberating Santa before Christmas. Children marched and waved about signs with "Free Santa" emblazed in red, while shouting "He's our man; let him out of the can!"
read more






Chicken Little Storms the Bastille

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




In Conversation with Chicken Little - The Bailouts

Dec. 12, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

Chicken Little had so charmed me during the first interview, I felt compelled to track her down and continue our conversation. She'd been in favor of the bailout on Wall Street, not enthusiastically, but still…I had to find out what her thoughts were now.

After several days of diligent hunting, I discovered she was in Puerto Vallarta, and this suited me well; there's nothing quite like a work-vacation. Buoyant that I'd managed to convince my editor that Chicken Little was the soothsayer of our times, I packed my bags and headed to the airport.

I was soon happily ensconced in my hotel, the tropical breeze wafting in through the sliding doors, soothing and melting my icy northern soul. A quick walk to the beach and within moments I spied Chicken Little sprawled out on a lounge chair sizzling under the burning rays, a shade over her eyes, steam rising up from her downy feathers.
read more






Harper's Boot

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




Harper Prorogues Parliament to Cling to Power

Dec. 4, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

Stephen Harper's disdain of the parliamentary system was displayed in bold colors by his demand to prorogue Parliament to avoid a confidence vote in the house. Never before in Canadian history has a prime minister prorogued parliament to save his own skin. It is a terrible precedent for future prime ministers and stunning that the Governor General would agree to his request this Thursday morning.

But, Governor General Michaelle Jean allowed Prime Minister Harper to call an election two months ago for the sole purpose of trying to get a majority, so her decision shouldn't come as a surprise. His last attempt to grab absolute power cost us 300 million dollars. This time, his blind conviction that he has absolute power, that he has a mandate to run Parliament as though he has a majority, may cost the nation much more than dollars.
read more





3 Headed Monster Under Attack

Digital Photo Collage
Lukanovich




A Coalition Government is a Tantalizing Proposition

Nov. 30, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

It's been a thrill ride in Canadian politics this week, and I've had a smile on my face the width of a banana since I heard the news: the opposition is threatening to form a coalition government. Ed Broadbent and Jean Chretien, the mighty men of old, were meeting in wood paneled rooms to help hash out a deal between the main opposition parties. Could it be true? Can the NDP and the Liberals put aside their bickering to trounce the Conservative government? It's like beautiful dream that that begs to be realized. All three parties sitting in opposition, including the Bloq Quebecois, are left-of-centre. A coalition could work.
read more





Breast - Detail

Lukanovich




Single Mothers: Not a Homogenous Group

Nov. 21, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

One woman's reality of single motherhood can be vastly different than another's, and yet we lump all single women who have children into the same group, as if they face the same challenges. It's worth noting that while 93% of single parent families are helmed by women, we should not forget the 7% who are men, and frequently overlooked. But the following paragraphs refer to typical situations, and other than the first, they reflect a society that is still bound to the traditional roles of mother and father.

The newest incarnation of the single mother is the one who shares parenting with her ex. Let's take "Sarah." Sarah was married to a lovely man, "Tom," and they had an amicable divorce. Because Sarah is a working woman and because Tom wants to spend as much time as possible with his children, the kids live one week at Sarah's and one week at Tom's. They live on the same block and are the definition of co-parents. Sarah has more free time than her married friends - Sarah's got it good.
read more





Border Town - Detail

Lukanovich


Are Afghan Lives Worth Less Than Ours?

Nov. 13, 2008
N.J. Lukanovich

Canadian journalist Melissa Fung was released on Nov. 8, after being kept hostage for a harrowing 4 weeks in an underground cave in Maidan Wardak, Afghanistan. This was definitely a good news story for Melissa Fung and her family and friends. But, no matter how ugly the ordeal, in comparison to female Afghan journalists who have been gunned down in their homes or on their way to work, she is one lucky girl.

After all, Melissa Fung, unlike her Afghan peers, chose to be in Afghanistan. It's a story that raises many questions. Whether or not the Canadian government and the Afghan government are telling the truth when they claim that there was no ransom or exchange of prisoners, is the first.
read more

More Articles




FRONT PAGE